Why am I single? Well, let me tell ya...

[raefinlay]

Single-for-life is an increasingly valid lifestyle choice. So why am I asked about my societally scorned single state on a regular basis? I suppose I should take it as a compliment. I should interpret it as you're-obviously-a-good-catch-so-why-hasn't-someone-snatched-you-up, blah, blah.

I handle it better these days. After years of arduous training in verbal self-defense on the subject, here are, in order, the top 5 answers to the question: Why aren't you married???

5. I'm a lesbian. (Untrue, but effective in Christian circles.)

4. I dunno. What do you think is wrong with me? (Yeah, that's right, moron. None of your subtexty, passive-aggressive crap.)

3. *shrug* I couldn't see myself having sex with just one person for the rest of my life. (Also astonishingly effective in Christian circles. Can you say, "dead silence?")

2. I didn't want to end up like...*pointed look*...a lot of married people I know.

1. Every time a guy proposes, I say "No."

*firm nod*

Yes, I just got asked again by a family friend. I used #4 on her and watched the desperate backpedaling with wicked delight.

ETA: I am NOT anti-marriage. Just...happy. :-)

Comments

[pjthompson]

I love all those answers. And the questions never stop, so it's always good to have your A material ready. ;-)

Whatever you do or don't do that is outside the current fashion is going to getting people asking. Folks want to believe that their personal life choices are the only valid ones. I remember telling one woman who asked why I didn't have children that I'd made the choice not to. She patted my arm and said, "It's very brave of you to think that way."

WTF?

[raecarson.livejournal.com]

Wow. Just...wow.

[everyonesakitty.livejournal.com]

amenz sistah.

In a public gathering, I once said "I don't want to have kids," and got this response from an older woman: "You need to keep that to yourself because it's disrespectful of all the women around you who have done the right thing and been unselfish enough to have a child."

yeah, WTF?!?!

Why does everyone want to control everyone else's life choices?!?!

[navicat.livejournal.com]

Ah! OMG me too. Although I always get "Oh, you'll change your mind when *some stupid biological clock* sets in".

I feel like: who are you to tell me what I WANT and SHOULD do. Thank you, but I do know my own mind and it is certainly not governed by some vague 'biological clock'

*grumbles*

[janeorben.livejournal.com]

When I told my mom that Will and I were planning to adopt instead of having kids the natural way, she said I was only doing it for selfish reasons.

You know, people who view having children as a sacrifice definitely have the wrong attitude about having children. Even if having children involves some selflessness, one should primarily be excited and happy about it. If you don't want to have kids, how could you possibly be a decent parent!?

[raecarson.livejournal.com]

Hey, that's v. cool, Marf. I'm a huge proponent of adoption, for lots and lots of reasons. (Soooo many kids out there without good homes and families!) If I ever have kids, they will most likely be adopted.

[pjthompson]

One of the reasons I decided not to have kids was because I think the only reason to have them is because you really, really want to. I never had a strong need. I think many of the world's ills are caused by people doing things because they think they should and then not being thrilled about it afterwards.

Besides, the world is OVER populated. Plenty of kids already here who need love.

[pjthompson]

That's just stunningly WRONG. And what really kills me is that it's always said in some condescending or judgmental tone. The Tyranny of the Done Thing. Forget about it!

[frigg.livejournal.com]

These are the ones I get thrown in my face:

"It's selfish of you not to have children"

"You'll die old and lonely"

"Once you hit your post-reproductive age, you'll regret for the rest of your life"

"How can you do this to your parents?"

"You hate children!"

"Is it because of your illness?"

and the best of all:

"Become pregnant! Once the child is born you won't want to give it up for the world" (erhmm well, actually I have no doubt about that. But what has this to do with my decision?)

[raecarson.livejournal.com]

"You'll die old and lonely"

Not with kitties like *that* you won't!!!

And just get yourself pregnant?? holy sheesh.

[pjthompson]

ARGH! The ones we single gals get:

- You just haven't met the right guy.
- You'll change your mind when you get older.

Ah, no and no, okay?