Depressed

[raefinlay]

I just got my first rejection from F&SF. Which is fine. I scraped the bottom of the barrel with a "didn't grab."

Rejection will be my way of life for some time. I'm sure of that. And I think I take rejection rather well. On the online workshop, my work is regularly ripped to shreds. Most of the time, I completely agree with the ripping. Rejection, criticism, re-writing...all part of the learning process.

So, I've been sitting here, trying to figure out why, for the first time since I started writing, I am bothered. And it's not just a little prick of irritation. I am seriously, profoundly bothered.

It took a while, but I figured it out:

I don't know what is wrong with my story.

And that's terrible. There is no such thing as a perfect story. Something must be amiss. JJA obviously thought so. But if I don't know what it is, how can I grow? How can I get better? I didn't think I was so in love with my own work that I would be blind to its faults, but maybe I'm more arrogant than I thought. And that's really embarassing.

But what if I don't know what's wrong with it because this is the best I'll ever be? What if I'm incapable of seeing beyond this level?

I find that possibility very, very depressing.

Comments

[raecarson.livejournal.com]

Thx Heather! I'm totally rooting for TBATC!!!!