Lying About My Age

[raefinlay]

Someone asked me how old I am today. I told them the wrong thing. It wasn’t an intentional untruth; I’ve simply lost track. I don’t count years the way I used to or put much stock in them

Some indeterminate number of years ago, when I turned 30, I had a brief moment of poignant loss. I felt like I’d come so far in time, but accomplished very little. So many opportunities lost, so many moments not fully lived. I had an overwhelming sense of needing to do better. If I simply had enough time, I’d make something of myself, I was sure.

And therein lies the lie. I’ve since realized everyone who is going to accomplish something “noteworthy” will do so in the span allotted to a human life. And the people who won’t…won’t. Wherever I go, whenever I go, there, alas, am I. *I* am the problem, not my limited years.

So, I got to thinking about all this when I realized I’d innocently given the wrong age. And a story was born.

Stay tuned…

Comments

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

timprov's mom was 42 three times. For something like 9 months of the year she was 41, she was telling people she was 42 without thinking about it -- it just sounded right. Then she did the math and realized, nope, she was 42. Then she was 42 for a year. Then she had had such great years for the two previous that she couldn't resist doing it a third time.

The whole year I was 18, whenever people asked how old I was, my brain either said "16" or "20," and it was a struggle to get my mouth to say "18."

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Er. That's "nope, she was 41."

[raecarson.livejournal.com]

I wonder if it's healthier, mentally, to be a bit confused about one's age. In a society where obsession with youth can be debilitating, it's refreshing to hear that some people just aren't keeping track.

[pjthompson]

I think it's healthier to be the age you are inside and forget about the numbers. They are the merest technicalities.

And I'm obliged to say or get drummed out of the therapy corps that people accomplish great things at all stages of life, young to old. The numbers there, too, are the merest technicalities.

[raecarson.livejournal.com]

Well. In that case...

*12*

*grin*

[stillsostrange.livejournal.com]

Sometimes my brain still insists I'm 22, and I have to sit it down and explain things.

[raecarson.livejournal.com]

I just show my brain the cellulite on my thighs. It's very convincing.

[magicnoire.livejournal.com]

My brain still insists that I am 23. Everyone else thinks I'm still a teenager. o_o

[raecarson.livejournal.com]

And *I* think you're still 12.

O.O

[magicnoire.livejournal.com]

:D :D :D!

(I'm short enough.)

[jmeadows.livejournal.com]

Yesterday J forgot I turned 22... does that count? ;)

[raecarson.livejournal.com]

Doode. That totally counts.

[kaprou.livejournal.com]

I feel like I earned every one of my years... but one reason I write as much as I do is because I need to feel like every year matters, and that's not always easy. I was one of those kids who was sure I'd be something special by the time I reached the age I am now... letting go of that is healthy, in a way, but hard to do.

All of which is a long-winded way of saying "Amen!" =)

[raecarson.livejournal.com]

Amen!!

[everyonesakitty.livejournal.com]

Oooh, A, I like that way of looking at it!

[kmkibble75.livejournal.com]

More often than not, I assume I'm 17.

I blame it more on a disassociation of spirit to body than a bad memory. It just sounds more celestial that way.

[pjthompson]

Yeah, I've also got that disassociation thing. 'Spose it's catching?

[aaron-mag.livejournal.com]

Ah...count on Rae for interesting threads. ;)

I often forget I'm 34. I frequently tell people 32. For some reason the last couple of years just flew by. My brain can't comprehend that.

So many opportunities lost, so many moments not fully lived. I had an overwhelming sense of needing to do better. If I simply had enough time, I’d make something of myself, I was sure.

Dude...statements like these make me want to punch you. Are you not an awesome aunt and big sister? Are you not a well-respected and jealously inspiring writer (yes...I got very jealous over painted-song. I simply loved it and the evil spirit within rose up and said, "I wish *I* had written this!!!" ;) ).

I understand where you are coming from. There are many times when I get on a plane or am on a commute or am answering some stupid computer question where I think, "This is my fricken life? Endless brain numbing monotony consumes my time and keeps me from doing anything truly creative?"

But then you get one of those days with massive highlights. Like yesterday we had the annual TKD picnic and me and my partner got 2nd place in the three legged race!!! *is accomplished* :D

What you need to do is listen to 10,000 Maniacs song 'These are the days...' and feel that shaft of light crossing your face and smile. Because for everyone who has ever read 'Painted Songs' they will think of that story every time they hear that line in that song forevermore. Now that is making an impression!!!

:D

[raecarson.livejournal.com]

Aw, thx, ZOP.

And yay three-legged race! *proud*

[mmerriam.livejournal.com]

I understand completely. I have days when I think, "I can't possibly be 40." But I am. As far as "accomplishing" anything, I suppose it depends on how you define the term. It seems to me, though, that most people who have, don't "accomplish" anything significant (except pop stars and athletes) until sometime in their mid- thirties to mid-forties. I think in order to accomplish something, in order to take full advantage of life's opportunities, you need the kind of seasoning and experience that living only can bring. You'll notice that most writers don’t really start hitting their stride until around 40, and some don't even get started until later in life than that.
Just thoughts,
Michael

[raecarson.livejournal.com]

We've got plenty of time to accomplish stuff, right? Plenty of time!

*sees glass half full*

:D

[mmerriam.livejournal.com]

We have our whole life, Rae. :-)

Interesting thread

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think of myself as a certain age as much as considering myself "barely out of college". I've been doing that for three years now and it works well for me. :) Until I go to our college-town church and see some *real* college-age kids. Then I feel the disconnect.

I try to enjoy where I am and anticipate my future, as well. Heck, I'm even looking forward to being 63! By then, David should've retired and we can actually spend more time together. None of this being gone for 9-10 hours a day. And I ought to be a better writer by then, right? :D

*goes back to staring at uncooperative wip*

~Rabia