Top 5 reasons I should be Vice President of the U.S.

[raefinlay]

5) I competed in a state beauty pageant TWICE.

4) I know about national security because there was this one time I was looking out the front window and immigration officials arrested all the Mexicans working for our landscaper and shipped them back to Mexico.

3) I have foreign policy experience because there was this one time I led a trade delegation to Tijuana, Mexico. I traded $30 for a Dooney & Bourke knockoff.

2) When I was a kid, I totally won a not-blinking contest with my little brother. I didn’t blink for, like, 30 seconds.

1)  Back when I lived in the San Francisco bay area, I could see Russians from my house.

 

Comments

[tx-cronopio.livejournal.com]

6) I like you better!

You've got my vote, snookums ;)

[raecarson.livejournal.com]

Thank you! You won't be sorry. I'll be asking for millions of dollars in cheesebarrel spending for doggies in Texas.

[shay-writes.livejournal.com]

I'd elect you! :)

[raecarson.livejournal.com]

I hereby appoint you as Secretary of Defense! (I'll only be VP, not Pres, but who cares?)

[shay-writes.livejournal.com]

YaY! Knowing the VeePee comes with perks!

I accept your appointment and thank you for having confidence in my ability to do the job.

[buymeaclue.livejournal.com]

6) You won the debate!

[raecarson.livejournal.com]

It was easy! I smiled REALLY big.

[domynoe.livejournal.com]

LOL! Love it!

[copperwise.livejournal.com]

Hell, I won a beauty pageant when I was 8 years old, and I took Russian in high school. Can I be Secretary of State?

[raecarson.livejournal.com]

Totally. With a hefty salary to boot.

[jeff-h.livejournal.com]

Yes, but can you buzz word your way out of a question that you don't understand? And then repeat the same answer when asked the same question because your first answer was bullshit?

[raecarson.livejournal.com]

Like I said, Charlie, I competed at a state beauty pageant TWICE, Charlie.

[stillnotbored.livejournal.com]

6. You can pronounce nuclear.

[raecarson.livejournal.com]

Just as long as my teleprompter is hooked on phonics.

[shay-writes.livejournal.com]

LOL!

[thesaucernews.livejournal.com]

But can you field-strip a moose?

[raecarson.livejournal.com]

Yes, actually (though it's tough to roll over an animal that large by myself).

But you should see how fast I strip my husband.

[retrobabble.livejournal.com]

That's why she's hiring Canadians...

FOR THE MOOSE! FOR THE MOOSE!

*sporks*

[raecarson.livejournal.com]

I definitely need a Secretary of the Wild Interior. Want the job?

[retrobabble.livejournal.com]

Or I could be the Wild Secretary of the Interior. You chose, Madame V.P. Although I sekritly figured Foreign Affairs, wot with the moose 'n all...

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

You disqualified yourself by writing in complete sentences.

[raecarson.livejournal.com]

But I can be PRESIDENTIAL if I misplace a modifier, as McCain did so eloquently this evening: As president of the United States, people are going to be held accountable in my administration.

I call this stunning new philosophy "Panpresidentialism."

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

McCain was so damn irritating I kept doing chores during his turn. I can take the sweltering heat or repub gas, but not both.

[irysangel.livejournal.com]

But can you do the beehive hairdo?

[raecarson.livejournal.com]

I used to! But then I realized that with my big hair, the Russians could see ME from THEIR house.

[domynoe.livejournal.com]

ROTFL!!!!

[graygirl.livejournal.com]

LOFF!

[tanaise.livejournal.com]

you would totally balance out McCain who blinks EVERY SINGLE WORD.

[purdypiedad.livejournal.com]

But, Doode... would you want McCaine looking at YOU like that???

You just made my night, btw.

[frigg.livejournal.com]

Bwhahaha. Why aren't you on the road doing your campaign yet? That sounds like a sure win to me!

[ginny-t.livejournal.com]

If I had a vote, it'd be yours. <3

[hawkwing-lb.livejournal.com]

6) You have a functioning sense of humour.

I'd pick you over any politician I've ever seen. :)

[kmkibble75.livejournal.com]

But can you field-dress a moose? because without that...

Well, you can take down black widows, so maybe that'll do.

[crimini.livejournal.com]

Hrm, I dunno, you sound like you've got it all under control too much. Where's the dithering and the doublespeak? Where's the incomprehensible language? Where's the confusion? See, I'm not so sure about you...

[ccfinlay.livejournal.com]

Just ask her whose turn it is to wash the dishes, and you'll be completely reassured.

[raecarson.livejournal.com]

See, it has to be about job creation. We need to make sure those jobs stay under the umbrella of job creation, um, and health care reform which, as the people I'm talking to will tell you, we're ill over all the jobs that are going to poor, illegal mexican families.

[java-fiend.livejournal.com]

Doooooooooooooooooooooooood. You are just so absolutely awesome. I bow down to your awesomeness. lol... This so totally rocked.

[ccfinlay.livejournal.com]

"I believe in change. When I'm president, for every dollar you have now, all you'll have left is change."

[geniusofevil.livejournal.com]

Is #2 true?

[raecarson.livejournal.com]

Jeesh! You're just like the elite, liberal media! Questioning everything I say!