Via the lovely eugie

The Commonly Confused Words Test

English Genius

You scored 100% Beginner, 93% Intermediate, 100% Advanced, and 77% Expert!

You did so extremely well, even I can't find a word to describe your excellence! You have the uncommon intelligence necessary to understand things that most people don't. You have an extensive vocabulary, and you're not afraid to use it properly! Way to go!

To take the test:

http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=14457200288064322170

But, but, but...they don't give the answers afterward! How will I know which ones I got wrong? How will I get through the day??

*perturbed*
*obssessive-compulsive*

To Smut or not to Smut

Romance will happen in Elisa. Oh yes, it will. Alas, Rae is profoundly unromantic. (Read: jaded, cynical, etc.) So I asked a friend to lend me some romance novels. I wanted something to analyze. Analysis is, after all, my security blankie, and I thought if I could just break "romance" down into measurable, digestible parts, I could figure out this love-thing as it pertains to literature.

Stuff I learned reading the first two and one half books:

1. The market will absorb the words "rippling muscles" and "luscious curves" several times per chapter.
2. Don't spend unnecessary energy on witty repartee. Save it for sexual entendres.
3. Whenever your prose falls flat and your scene lacks tension, insert smut.
4. After initial raging sex scene where virgin (or near-inexperienced ingenue) has the ride of her life, separate the lovers to rebuild sexual tension.
5. At about chapter three, allude to the "something more" between protags. Because lust alone is unconscionable.
6. Be sure the male protag is dangerous. In fact, write in a few red herrings to make your reader think he is EEEVIL. Because that makes the sex better.
7. Whatever you do, don't forget plot. About one page in twenty should be devoted completely to this startlingly effective literary tool.

Ok, so Elisa may not be that romantic after all. I could write a little semi-smut...I think...if the plot would fall apart without it. But I don't think I'll ever be ready for full, frontal smut. *shrug*

Now excuse me, I have more smut-free Scary Danger to write about.

*hopeless non-romantic*
*has issues*